Losing Virtue
Losing Virtue
In the biblical account of a woman needing healing, we read that she touched the hem of the garment that Jesus wore. He is recorded as saying “virtue went out of me”. He knew that there was an “exchange”, which had taken place. Whatever that spiritual quality was that is referred to as virtue, well, at any case, Christ knew that an exchange had happened. Something that was within him had “left” him, in order that the miracle could take place.
I get it. I get it every time I pray with the lady who just lost her mother. I get it every time I sit in the living room of a couple in my church who are living together without the benefit of marriage. I get it when I have a late night discussion with a rape victim. I get it when I go through the weeks of ministry in my community that I go through. I am a believer. There is such a thing as “virtue lost”, in this biblical sense.
What is not so clear is how to respond. There are times of extended prayer, and of scripture reading, and of meditation. There are times of introspection, and even an afternoon of fishing, from time to time. There are helpful inspirational books, and some Christian songs that I count on for a certain “lift”. I wonder if it could be something that builds over time. The balance too heavily weighted in the area of virtue lost vs. gained. Perhaps over a period of years, even some slight “deficit” could add up. Or is it that so many battles have been fought, that the war has exacted a toll of weariness of years.
There has always been one more opportunity to stare sin itself in the eye, by way of daily life and ministry. There have been times when the conflict, though difficult, was to be expected and faced with a certain resolve, and even satisfaction that this is what the spiritual life is all about. But. But what if there does not seem to be adequate renewal, for the renewal that is needed. Not enough to “feel good”, or even enough to keep on keeping on, but enough renewal to know that the next difficult situation will not find me wanting a “postponement”. There are many conversations that are somewhat overdue, any number of lunches not yet shared, and yes, appointments not yet made.
This is an area that I do not like to talk about with my fellow pastors, and I think, they do not like to talk about with me. We know what each others answers will be and we suspect that they will be either trite or simply inadequate. There is also the possibility that they will be downright insulting. In fact, most of my conversations with other pastors never get to the level of how we deal with having the spiritual strength that we need to actually do what we need to do. I think that, for the most part, they seem ok with that. I wonder if ministering while tired, or empty, or “unfull”, is seen as ok, or adequate, or simply unavoidable. Or, perhaps if the day to day stuff we do keeps us so involved that we fail to notice that touching our lives no longer passes along virtue to others in any significant way.
I know that there are avenues of renewal. I think I know what most of them are. What I don’t know is why some of those avenues don’t seem so renewing as they once did. Just when I think that all the years in ministry should make me more readily renewed, I find the opposite to be true. It almost seems like there is a betrayal going on here. Physically I expect that it takes longer to recover from the physical demands I place on my body. I thought that spiritually, the veterans were blessed with the ability to bounce back simply because they knew the way so well. I may be the only person that is wrestling with this virtue issue. I may be the only one, resenting finding more spiritual conflicts in front of me than I wish to face. I may be the only one desiring to find that dimension of refreshing that will prove adequate, and make me fit for the conflicts ahead. I may be the only one who senses the eternal trauma when staring into the eyes of evil, while talking with one of the flock that I love. I may be ……………….. but I doubt it.
In the biblical account of a woman needing healing, we read that she touched the hem of the garment that Jesus wore. He is recorded as saying “virtue went out of me”. He knew that there was an “exchange”, which had taken place. Whatever that spiritual quality was that is referred to as virtue, well, at any case, Christ knew that an exchange had happened. Something that was within him had “left” him, in order that the miracle could take place.
I get it. I get it every time I pray with the lady who just lost her mother. I get it every time I sit in the living room of a couple in my church who are living together without the benefit of marriage. I get it when I have a late night discussion with a rape victim. I get it when I go through the weeks of ministry in my community that I go through. I am a believer. There is such a thing as “virtue lost”, in this biblical sense.
What is not so clear is how to respond. There are times of extended prayer, and of scripture reading, and of meditation. There are times of introspection, and even an afternoon of fishing, from time to time. There are helpful inspirational books, and some Christian songs that I count on for a certain “lift”. I wonder if it could be something that builds over time. The balance too heavily weighted in the area of virtue lost vs. gained. Perhaps over a period of years, even some slight “deficit” could add up. Or is it that so many battles have been fought, that the war has exacted a toll of weariness of years.
There has always been one more opportunity to stare sin itself in the eye, by way of daily life and ministry. There have been times when the conflict, though difficult, was to be expected and faced with a certain resolve, and even satisfaction that this is what the spiritual life is all about. But. But what if there does not seem to be adequate renewal, for the renewal that is needed. Not enough to “feel good”, or even enough to keep on keeping on, but enough renewal to know that the next difficult situation will not find me wanting a “postponement”. There are many conversations that are somewhat overdue, any number of lunches not yet shared, and yes, appointments not yet made.
This is an area that I do not like to talk about with my fellow pastors, and I think, they do not like to talk about with me. We know what each others answers will be and we suspect that they will be either trite or simply inadequate. There is also the possibility that they will be downright insulting. In fact, most of my conversations with other pastors never get to the level of how we deal with having the spiritual strength that we need to actually do what we need to do. I think that, for the most part, they seem ok with that. I wonder if ministering while tired, or empty, or “unfull”, is seen as ok, or adequate, or simply unavoidable. Or, perhaps if the day to day stuff we do keeps us so involved that we fail to notice that touching our lives no longer passes along virtue to others in any significant way.
I know that there are avenues of renewal. I think I know what most of them are. What I don’t know is why some of those avenues don’t seem so renewing as they once did. Just when I think that all the years in ministry should make me more readily renewed, I find the opposite to be true. It almost seems like there is a betrayal going on here. Physically I expect that it takes longer to recover from the physical demands I place on my body. I thought that spiritually, the veterans were blessed with the ability to bounce back simply because they knew the way so well. I may be the only person that is wrestling with this virtue issue. I may be the only one, resenting finding more spiritual conflicts in front of me than I wish to face. I may be the only one desiring to find that dimension of refreshing that will prove adequate, and make me fit for the conflicts ahead. I may be the only one who senses the eternal trauma when staring into the eyes of evil, while talking with one of the flock that I love. I may be ……………….. but I doubt it.
posted by Richard Lauby at
9:36:00 PM
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